


Young Recruits

by alyssakay347



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Divergence, M/M, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Pre-Canon, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-14 09:53:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4560153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyssakay347/pseuds/alyssakay347
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin is 24 and just another soldier. He recruits Levi at a more peaceful time. They're younger, not as wary, and their relationship develops much differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Levi didn’t have the energy to get his sweaty hair out of his eyes. All he could do was breathe and hold on—to Erwin, the bed, the sheets. The bed wasn’t that comfortable, but at least it didn’t creak. The sheets weren’t that soft, but at least they were fresh. Fresh an hour ago.

Not two weeks out of training, and it had come to this: laying in his own sweat, arching his body under Erwin’s, both of them wearing less than half of what they’d come into the room with. Levi’s shirt was on but undone. Erwin still wore the white pants of his uniform.

Levi liked feeling the fabric against his own bare legs. He liked the idea of those pants being worn again in the outside world after getting wrinkled and damp and dirty inside some inn with him.

Erwin slid his hands down Levi’s sides, pressing them hard against his hips. Erwin’s hands were so strong, so certain, _all_ the time. As Erwin leaned down, Levi met him halfway to grind harder. He cursed loudly inside his own mind; forming words was too difficult.

Levi couldn’t help but feel small under Erwin, but like so many of the differences between them, it just made Levi more aroused. Erwin hummed against his neck, a low hum that Levi felt over his whole body. They moved faster as Erwin used his hands to shower attention on Levi’s thighs and hips and waist.

Everything was so hot, everything was so good, and then everything was white.

When Levi opened his eyes, he found Erwin mostly not on top of him, breathing hard. Levi ignored the mess on his body to admire the mess of Erwin’s hair—instead of ridiculous, it look utterly erotic. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, about Erwin Smith in that moment that wasn’t erotic.

Erwin’s lips traveled from Levi’s collarbone to his chin before Levi tilted his head away teasingly. Erwin followed, brushing his nose against Levi’s cheek, his jaw. Levi was too wrung-out to do anything but smirk and keep turning his head to avoid him.

“Let me kiss you,” Erwin murmured against his skin.

Levi grabbed Erwin’s face and roughly brought their lips together. Levi wondered if this was what addiction was like, needing something to the point of taking it without thinking, without consideration, without the body hesitating, even if the mind did pause for the slightest moment.

Levi didn’t understand how Erwin could be so different that kissing him could actually be enjoyable, actually sate him somehow, actually make him feel something. He thought sex was supposed to be something mundane he might do someday with some person—not something he _needed now_ with someone so… _not_ mundane.

He sat up and locked his arms around Erwin’s neck tight enough to choke someone—but Erwin, of course, was different. As if he couldn’t touch them enough, Erwin’s hands returned to Levi’s hips, probably giving him bruises. Levi wanted those.

They kissed long and deep, but soon enough they were gasping for air. Levi rested his head against Erwin’s shoulder, sighing when Erwin slowly moved his fingers from his hips to his back. Sweat made it easy for him to massage him along the spine, digging in his knuckles just enough to make Levi shiver. Erwin elicited more reactions by moving his massage lower, softly pressing his hand into the crack below the small of Levi’s taut back.

Levi bit Erwin’s neck, earning himself his own shiver. He grinned and dragged his fingertips down Erwin’s chest.

“You’re gonna kill me,” Erwin whispered, sounding entirely sincere.

“I’m not a vampire.” Levi bit him a second time, closer to the jaw. “Probably.” He licked the red mark.

Erwin pushed him down against the mattress, holding Levi’s wrists in an iron grip above his head. But then he lowered his face slowly to Levi’s chest, soft as a feather, as if the ribs would shatter.

“You’re gonna kill me,” he said again.

Then Levi’s focus was torn between the wholly dominant grip on Levi’s wrists and the wholly submissive worship of the mouth on his chest. He eventually relaxed to enjoy both, trying to keep his breathy sighs at a minimum.

It went on and on and on, and Levi fell into a blissful trance verging on sleep until a sharp bolt of arousal shot through him. Hard again. _Erwin, you’re impossible._

Levi lifted his head only to throw it back against the pillow as Erwin took his cock into his mouth.

“Erwin,” he whispered between surprised pants. Erwin sucked him, and Levi couldn’t stop a loud whimper from escaping his lips. Erwin sucked him harder.

“Erwin,” he repeated, then again and again.

Within minutes, Erwin brought him close. Levi demanded him to go faster, harder. Erwin never failed to obey.

“Please,” Levi panted, very much on the razor-sharp edge.

As Erwin kept his mouth busy, he reintroduced his hand to Levi’s backside. With a sigh, the edge cut Levi through.

: : :

Levi never believed in love at first sight, and he still didn’t after meeting Erwin Smith. But after meeting Erwin Smith…he did, reluctantly, believe in connection.

Erwin caught him using 3DMG illegally, but instead of turning him in right away, he gave Levi the option of joining the Survey Corps. Erwin had some friends with him at the time, the tallest one holding Levi captive—but Levi had barely noticed them.

All his life, Levi had dealt almost exclusively with idiots, criminals, cowards, or a mix of the three. He grew up around hate, betrayal, and uncertain circumstances. But in his first encounter with Erwin Smith, Levi instantly knew he was different from everything and everyone he had known before.

When Levi met Erwin’s eyes, he saw intelligence. When he listened to Erwin speak, he heard respect. What Erwin did implied anything but cowardliness, and when Erwin shook his hand, Levi felt a stability in it that even his uncle’s firmest shake didn’t have.

In the days afterward, Erwin was almost always around, dragging Levi to this captain and that commander to vouch for Levi’s potential. Levi was shocked to learn that Erwin was only a regular soldier himself; he would have thought someone so confident _and_ competent would be of a higher rank. Erwin told him that soldiers didn’t get promoted as young as 24, but it sounded like a lie.

“Do I look that much older?” Erwin asked when Levi looked at him strangely.

“Well, no, but you don’t act your age.”

“You’re rather mature for someone who’s only twenty.”

“You try growing up where I did and acting your age.” But Levi knew that the Underground had no fewer immature morons than the military branches did.

Erwin soon succeeded in getting Levi recruited, and Levi started training. He was disappointed to think that maybe he had seen the last of Erwin, after a lonely couple of days. But then Erwin showed up at the barracks inviting Levi to practice with him on the weekends.

“Why bother?” Levi asked.

“I thought you’d want the challenge. You’re more skilled than the trainers—or at least you would be with real training. A lot of what they have new recruits do these days is worthless. The targets aren’t even moving.”

Levi had thought the same thing, but he scoffed at Erwin anyway. “You think _you_ can train me better?”

“Do you want to see a real titan?”

Weekends with Erwin were infinitely more educational than the rest of his training. When they first met up on a low-staffed strip of Wall Maria, they just walked and watched low class titans waddle around harmlessly. Erwin didn’t talk much, which was nice, but he did answer Levi’s questions in detail.

On the second weekend, they sat atop the wall and talked about their perspectives of the government. Levi described the chaos of the Underground, and Erwin explained the corruption that pervaded the system above ground. Levi noticed that Erwin got worked up talking about it. When Levi asked why, for once he didn’t get a straight answer.

Erwin was angry about something by the third weekend, but wouldn’t say what. Instead he offered to take Levi over the Walls before nightfall.

“I thought you were supposed to be smart,” Levi said.

“Don’t you want to get an up-close look? I saw some five meter class titans on the south side.”

“Are you insane? We’ll both be killed.” But the words felt rehearsed even in his own mouth, and Levi realized that his official training had planted more ideas in his head than he thought. He wondered how Erwin stayed so immune all this time.

“Others would be, but we won’t. Besides, I’m not saying we’ll fight them.” Erwin sounded so sure of himself that Levi didn’t argue.

They used their gear to descend the outside of the Walls about three hours before sunset. There were so few soldiers on the Walls—“Complacent,” Erwin admonished—that no one noticed them touch the ground. There was something at the bottom of the Wall waiting for them.

“How the hell did you get _a horse_ out here?”

Erwin grinned and didn’t reply. “Do you know how to ride?” Levi shook his head. “Then that’s something else we can work on. For now, you can just get on behind me. You’re small enough.”

Levi stewed on that comment right up until Erwin got the horse galloping towards the edge of the woods, giving Levi no choice but to hold on for dear life. And hold on, and hold on, for nearly half an hour, until he was sure they were lost among the trees.

“Were gonna run out of daylight, idiot,” Levi said.

“If that were the case, I wouldn’t have done this, would I?” Erwin’s voice was hostile again.

“Why _are_ you doing this?”

There was only the sound of galloping for a few minutes. When eventually Erwin spoke, his voice was without inflection.

“I know you have more potential than all this year’s recruits combined, but none of my superiors are interested in realizing it to the fullest. I refuse to let your capabilities go to waste.”

“Go to waste how? There hasn’t been an attack in decades.”

“It’s only a matter of time,” Erwin said gravely.

Levi huffed. “You’re just another solider in the SC who’ll probably get killed on a mission before you turn thirty. Why do you try so hard?”

Erwin brought the horse to a stop. He didn’t look back at Levi as he said, “Believe me, that’s what everyone has been asking me for years. Earlier today, even. But I’m committed to the SC, so I’m committed to its success. It’s only a matter of time before something happens and even if nobody else is prepared for an attack, you and I will be. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure the Survey Corps is prepared, too.”

“Is this why they won’t promote you?” Levi asked. “Because they don’t want to give you the power to make worthwhile changes?”

Erwin turned around halfway. “I’ll make changes under their noses if I have to.”

Levi’s mouth became too dry to respond. Erwin brought the horse to a gallop twice as fast as before, and soon enough, a titan came into sight.

“Looks like the rest wandered off,” Erwin said. “That’s lucky.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

Without warning, Erwin hopped off the horse in one smooth motion. He offered Levi the reins. “She’s not easily spooked. She’ll stay put unless you tug on these.”

“What? What are you doing?” Levi spoke in a low, harsh voice, constantly glancing back at the titan. “Are you going to try to kill it? You _are_ insane!” He shook his head in disbelief. “What’s the point? To show off?”

Erwin’s smirk shut Levi up. “That’s one way of putting it. I want its death to inspire you.”

“Inspire me to do _what?”_ Levi hissed. The titan turned in their direction.

“Kill one yourself, of course. I want to inspire you defeat the titans not because you have to,” Erwin unsheathed two blades, “but because you want to.”

And he ran towards the titan. He launched himself from one tree to the next and the titan began to move with purpose, showing its teeth in an ugly, warped smile. Levi felt his heart beat double time as he watched, paralyzed on the horse. A minute later, Erwin flew around the titan at a wide angle, positioning himself perfectly by the nape. Levi didn’t see the strike, but he saw the fall. The titan hit the ground with a loud _boom_.

When he didn’t see Erwin within a few seconds, Levi impulsively shook the reins. The horse took off at blazing speed, and Levi couldn’t control it as he barreled forward, barely managing to stay in the saddle. He was still yelling out curses when the horse came to a stop at Erwin’s command. Levi scrambled off, feeling stupid as he moved away from the horse like a frightened child. He was so shaken, he didn’t even feel much relief when he processed that Erwin was alive and well and asking if Levi was alright.

“Fuck you,” Levi muttered.

“Sorry, I had to get up close while I could—saliva samples.” He held up a small tube. “Hange promised to get me a horse if I got her this.”

A streak of blood covered Erwin head to belt. Levi stared at it.

“Not a very clean kill,” Erwin said, looking down on himself. He sounded more giddy than disappointed. “Ah, well. It comes out. I’ll just have to sneak in after dark so no one sees.”

Levi didn’t respond, but he did tear his eyes away to watch the titan deteriorate.

“Do you see?” Erwin asked, looking back at the remains. “Killing them isn’t easy, but it isn’t impossible. The government knows that, but they still act like we can never be free and the titan race can never be eradicated.”

“You think it can?” Levi asked.

“Yes, but what’s important now is that the people know that they’re being lied to.”

“You know, I have the feeling the government won’t like that.”

“I know,” Erwin said. His blue eyes were bright as he turned to the horse and brushed back his hair. It was bloody, but somehow still neat. Levi wondered again how Erwin Smith was only 24.

“Coming?” Erwin called.

A cool breeze picked up as they rode back toward the same spot they picked up the horse. Sure enough, they arrived with the smallest bit of sunlight to spare. To Levi’s surprise, Erwin had said nothing more on the way back. When Erwin got off the horse and helped Levi down, his expression was neutral again—like his high had ended.

“Listen, Levi…” Erwin began, looking at Levi but not quite meeting his eyes. “I apologize for stepping over the line.”

“What?”

“You shouldn’t have had to deal with any of what happened tonight. I was reckless, and it was wrong to encourage you to go over the wall in the first place.”

Levi made a disgusted expression. “The hell are you talking about? Do you think I’m a fucking wuss or something?” He paused. “Or are you seriously having second thoughts?” _Please tell me you’re not_.

Erwin looked confused. “I…I thought…”

“Thought what?” Levi demanded. “That it was a mistake to bring me out here?”

“No,” Erwin said, “I don’t think this was a mistake, but I started thinking on the way back…that maybe I had gone too far.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you really didn’t say anything…”

Suddenly, Levi could _clearly_ see the dumb 24-year-old solider in Erwin. His indignation faded as he lifted an eyebrow. “What do you want me to do? Congratulate you? Pledge my undying support? Swoon?”

Erwin rolled his eyes. “Nothing like that. I suppose I just should have asked back there—Did seeing someone kill a titan convince you, even in the slightest, that their defeat is possible?”

Levi let him squirm for a few moments. “I think…seeing _you_ kill a titan did.”

Erwin kept a straight face, but Levi saw his eyes light up again. “So, do you think you might be interested in helping me reform the SC, for humanity’s sake?”

“You mean undermine it?” Levi asked, smirking. “Sure, why not. But for freedom’s sake, not humanity’s. Humanity hasn’t done much for me, but I still think it deserves a chance at freedom.”

If Levi wasn’t imagining things in the dim light, for a moment it looked like Erwin was the one swooning.

“Wonderful. Shall I see you next weekend, then?”

Levi restrained himself from making some jeer about dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published about a year ago, but I did some heavy editing and decided to consider the fic complete rather than 3/? like it has been for all this time.


	2. Chapter 2

Even the cheapest inn in Sina was better than the most expensive inn in Maria, but cheap was…relative. Levi didn’t care, but Erwin was resentful at the poor use of funds. So resentful that he wasn’t even all that polite to the innkeeper. Then again, the innkeeper was a total bastard, so it would be difficult for anyone to be polite. 

As he lay in bed, washed and changed into his nightclothes, Levi wondered what the innkeeper would have done if he found out what Erwin and Levi had done in his accommodations. Levi wondered what Erwinwould have done if the innkeeper found out.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Erwin asked by the dresser. Levi admired the view as Erwin changed.

“What if someone found out about us?”

Erwin paused. “That would be unfortunate for them,” he said simply.

Levi laughed once. “Hange says I’m a bad influence on you.”

“Does she? Then she’s assuming there’s some good part me to corrupt in the first place.”

“Hmm.” Levi closed his eyes. “Everyone seems to take that good part of you for granted.”

“But you don’t?”

Levi listened to him move into the bathroom. “Nope,” Levi said. When Erwin closed the door, Levi took a breath. “Only that you can’t be corrupted,” he muttered.

Erwin came out a couple minutes later and sat down on the second bed in the room. Levi frowned. “That bed’s gonna be cold, you know.”

Erwin blinked at him. “Right.” 

Levi got beneath the fresh covers and rolled over on his side to face the window. The curtains were closed, but a strip of moonlight still shined through. Levi tried not to think about the consequences of what they had done. He tried not to think about what Erwin might make of it later or what might change between them.

He tried not to think about the stupid events tomorrow at the palace—all the stupid meetings and introductions and small talk and the even stupider ball at the end. Levi, Erwin, and several other of the best soldiers in the SC had been invited. Unfortunately, Levi was going to get extra attention for being among this group so soon after training. Erwin said that Levi should expect nothing less, graduating with the best training score in recent history.

Levi startled when an arm wrapped around his chest. Then he let himself sink into Erwin’s warmth and try to sleep.

But after a while, he was still awake. “Erwin?”

“Can’t sleep?”

“Can’t get my head to shut up.”

“I can’t sleep either.” Erwin held him tighter. “But I think it’s because I don’t want to.”

Levi snickered. “I don’t have the energy for anything else, thanks to you.”

Erwin’s nose touched his hair. “Not that. I keep thinking that I may never get to have this again.”

“Have what?”

Erwin dragged his fingers lightly over Levi’s shirt. “You, like this. It’s like a dream I don’t want to end.”

“If I’m the best your dreams can come up with, you should be concerned.” Levi adjusted his head on his pillow. “But no worries, you’ll want it to end by morning. That’s how it is when you take up with another man around here.”

“How do you know?”

“From drifting around certain circles, Underground and otherwise. Sex life for those men is heaven, but anything beyond that is hell. I decided a long time ago to stay away from those extremes. Not worth it.”

“So why—”

Levi spoke over him. “I was never interested in anyone anyway. Attracted, maybe. But never interested.”

They fell quiet. Levi listened to Sina’s nighttime city ambiance—people with so little to do that they didn’t need a full night’s sleep. 

“How do you see me, then?” Erwin asked.

Levi moved Erwin’s arm, turned over, and brought his face up to Erwin’s. “Differently,” he whispered. “It’s like you and I are in our own circle.” Levi paused. “How do you see me?”

Erwin lifted his hand to Levi’s cheek. “As a soldier, I see the very incarnation of hope.” He shifted forward until he was only an inch away. “As a man, I see temptation.” 

Levi stopped breathing. “How do _you_ see me?”

“As myself? I see you as the only person I will regret leaving behind when I die.”

: : : 

Nearly every weekend after Erwin showed Levi what a titan kill was really like, they worked to get Levi on the same level. Levi didn’t think he was making much progress by the end of each outing, but Erwin thought the opposite. Sometimes they went over the walls in search of titans, and other times Erwin insisted Levi get in more equestrian practice than training officially required.

They spent time talking about titan attacks, too. The more Erwin said on the subject, the more gratitude Levi felt that there hadn’t been one—and the more Levi worried there _would_ be one. 

One Friday morning, Levi woke up from a nightmare that titans attacked. He couldn’t get over how realistic it had been, and by that evening, he was worried the dream would just continue where it left off. With Erwin dying a horrible death. 

Levi visited a pub near the training barracks to get his mind off it. He planned to order whatever was cheapest, maybe two of whatever that was, but his thoughts ended abruptly when he walked through the pub doors. Erwin was sitting at the bar with a man and woman. The man was in a Military Police uniform and the woman was dressed modestly, sitting between the two soldiers. She was fit and brunette and very beautiful.

Levi considered leaving. He even took a step backwards…but assured himself that he had no reason to leave. 

He didn’t go up to the bar, even though the seat next to Erwin was unoccupied. _I don’t feel like meeting new people,_ Levi told himself.

He sat down at a table along the wall and ordered when greeted by a server. He watched people come and go, drink and laugh, talk and flirt. He had positioned himself so he wasn’t in Erwin’s line of sight, but he did see the dull expressions of the MP soldier and the animated expressions of the woman.

To entertain himself, Levi tried to figure out whose date she was, if either’s. Even though he didn’t really have a right to be miffed, Levi would be, if Erwin had a girlfriend and never told him. 

_Are we even that close of friends?_ If Levi thought about it, they didn’t talk about their personal lives much. But they didn’t really have personal lives, did they? Levi sure as hell didn’t. Apparently Erwin did.

Levi stayed longer than he meant to. He didn’t drink much, but Erwin and his friends weren’t stingy with what they ordered. The woman seemed pleasant and had a nice laugh. Levi decided she must be Erwin’s date after all, since she kept laughing at him—and Levi knew his jokes ranged from undetectable to awful.

Levi rested his head in one hand and shifted his drink around the table with the other. He told himself he should leave, but he felt as if he was stuck in his chair. His eyes kept wandering to the spot where Erwin and his friends sat. 

Then the woman met his eyes, and Levi looked away, instantly regretting showing up here at all. He tried to keep his eyes on his drink and remind himself that she didn’t know who he was. But he could only keep his eyes away for so long. 

As if on cue, Erwin turned around the next time Levi looked over. Levi wanted to strangle himself for his irrational uneasiness, but then he saw Erwin’s face light up.

Erwin could have acknowledged Levi and turned back around, but he left the bar and sat down in the chair across from Levi without permission and stared at him, like he was waiting for an answer to some silent question. 

Levi stared back for a moment, then said awkwardly. “Hi.”

“How long have you been here?” 

“Not long,” Levi lied. He nodded over to Erwin’s friends who were doing a terrible job at watching them with subtlety. “Didn’t want to interrupt you.”

“Why not?” Erwin asked, glancing back. 

“I wasn’t sure if they were…” Levi felt utterly ridiculous. “A friend and your girlfriend, I don’t know. I didn’t want to butt in. Besides, I hate small talk.”

Erwin looked comically confused—he was probably tipsy, if not drunk. “Marie? She’s Nile’s girlfriend, not mine.” He grinned. “That’s funny you thought that, though. We went on a few dates forever ago, but who in their right mind would keep a girlfriend after joining the Survey Corps?”

“That’s…considerate.” Levi said. The conversation lulled. “Well, I was about to leave anyway. I’ll see you to—”

“Wait!” Erwin held out one hand as Levi stood. “You haven’t even finished your drink.” He looked genuinely disappointed, so Levi sat back down. 

“I meet with them here almost every week,” Erwin said dismissively. “They can entertain themselves. How was training?”

Levi shrugged. “Nothing new.” 

A few moments passed, and Erwin didn’t seem to have heard him. He was just staring. Definitely drunk. 

“Uh, how long have _you_ been here?” Levi asked. 

“Too long, if you’re really asking how much I’ve had to drink.” Erwin picked up Levi’s glass in both hands and examined it. Then sniffed it. “This is the cheap stuff—I would know, since I used to get it. Then I realized, as part of the SC, there really isn’t a point to being frugal with alcohol.” 

Erwin set the glass down again. His eyes were glowing, and his hair seemed especially perfect in the pub’s lighting. _Marie must have been disappointed Erwin didn’t join the MP,_ Levi thought, _if appearance anything much to her._

“I want to get you something better than this,” Erwin said. “Can I get you something better?” 

Levi was about to say no, but Erwin didn’t wait for an answer. He returned with a new glass of something darker and slid it across the table to Levi. Levi didn’t thank him, but he did take a sip.

“This is good,” Levi said. He took a longer drink. “I don’t think I’ve had beer this good before.” 

“Well now you have.” 

They talked about training and the latest moronic things people had been doing. Everyone knew Levi was older than he looked, but some teenagers were dumb enough to forget. Just the day before, some kid made a joke about Levi’s height.

“I didn’t even have to say anything,” Levi told Erwin. “Everyone just stared at him like he was a dead man, and the kid apologized. It was pretty entertaining, actually.”

“You don’t mind being older than everyone else?” Erwin asked. 

“Not really. In a way, I’ve become like another trainer to them. They come to me when they want worthwhile advice.”

Erwin grinned. “That doesn’t surprise me.” 

“Nothing surprises you,” Levi muttered, rolling his eyes. 

“I’m surprised you came here.”

“I…” Levi shrugged. “I felt like doing something different.”

Erwin was quiet for a moment, but when looked like he as about to say something, Nile and Marie came up to their table. 

“Just wanted to say goodnight,” Marie said. She flashed Levi a brilliant smile. “Levi, right? We need to be properly introduced next time we see each other, alright?”

She began to leave, and Nile nodded to them as he followed.

“They think I’ve lost it,” Erwin said. 

“What?”

“Never mind. If you still feel like doing something different, I have an idea.”

Maybe Levi was a little tipsy himself, because his mind immediately went to something it definitely shouldn’t have. 

Erwin continued, “I was just thinking we could take the scenic route back to the barracks. There actually is one, if you can believe it.”

Levi couldn’t help but grin. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”


	3. Chapter 3

For someone with such a modest income, Erwin had managed to rent nice outfits for the events taking place at the palace the next day. Levi didn’t ask how. He just tried his best not to stare at Erwin in his suit for too long.

The meetings were obnoxious, the speeches long. Listening to people who had never seen a titan talk about titans was frustrating at the very least. 

On top of all that, as the day went on, Levi began to feel the impact being with Erwin out of context. It was impossible now to look at him and see only a competent soldier. It was impossible to see him as anything less than a very, very real person. Before, it was natural for Levi to care for people as if they were objects to be gained and lost. Now Levi cared for another person for real; a survival mechanism that only applied to himself now applied to someone else. 

The realization hit hardest when Levi listened to Erwin propose all kinds of impressive strategies for increasing the usefulness of the Survey Corps and decreasing the death count. Various military personnel and other wealthy citizens in attendance were delighted to hear how Erwin was perfectly willing to stake his life and reputation on his plans, but Levi felt sick listening to all of it.

When the dancing at the ball commenced, Levi used his ill feeling as an excuse to stay on the sidelines. He watched Erwin dance instead, with countless women who all seemed giddy at the chance to dance with someone who could easily pass as a young prince charming. 

Eventually there was a break and Erwin joined him at a table. 

“Are you going to sit here all night?” Erwin asked.

“Yes,” Levi replied. 

Erwin smirked, but then his face slowly fell. “You aren’t really feeling sick, are you? I thought—”

“It’s not fair to the women if I look resentful during every song.”

“Do you not like dancing?”

“I don’t mind it.”

Erwin tilted his head. “Then why would you look resentful?”

Levi let out a huff of air. “I dunno.” _Resentful of the women dancing with you._ “I don’t like the idea of dancing with people for money’s sake.” 

“It’s not—”

“Yeah, it is.” 

Erwin’s lips pressed into a line. “It’s not so bad. Everyone’s in a good mood tonight except you.”

“I’m never in a good mood.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow. “Sure you are.” 

Levi willed away his blush and Erwin smiled. “You just aren’t as obvious as most people. I notice, though.”

Levi looked away and watched as people milled around. A few of the girls Erwin had danced with looked eager to dance with him again. “You better take advantage of your popularity while you can. There’s no benefit to talking to me over here.”

Erwin glanced in the same direction. He sighed. “You’re right about the advantage, at least.” He looked back to Levi and stood. “But I honestly can’t think of anything more beneficial than talking to you, Levi.”

Levi couldn’t tell if Erwin meant it as a lighthearted statement or a serious one. He decided he didn’t want to know. 

When they finally returned to the inn, Levi was exhausted. He was certain he’d talked more in one day than in the past month. Yet Erwin, who had done three times the talking and all of the dancing, was humming as he changed. When Levi gave him a look, he held up his hands. 

“You have to admit the music was good.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Levi wanted to fall into bed as he was, but started on his tie instead. Erwin took over immediately. Levi tried to pull away, but Erwin wouldn’t relent. 

Before Levi could mutter his thanks, Erwin dropped the ribbon on the floor and kissed him deeply. Levi made a sound of surprise, then held Erwin’s wrist as he returned it. He pulled away when he was too breathless to continue. “What was that for?”

Erwin’s hands slid down to Levi’s shoulders. “I was resentful too. Dancing. The whole time, I resented every partner.” Erwin held him closer. “The second time I looked over and saw you sitting alone, my first instinct was to ask you to dance. To walk over for real and ask you. Can you believe that?” 

Levi made a show of rolling his eyes. “I can, actually. But that doesn’t make it any less ridiculous.” 

“Even before last night, I would have wanted to dance with you.”

Levi looked up and met his eyes. The young, foolish man in Erwin had emerged again. Too confident for his own good. Maybe a little too lovestruck for his own good. It made Levi’s heart swell with fondness and dismay and wistfulness and lust. 

“I’ll dance with you, but don’t expect me to twirl around like a princess.”

: : : 

As the end of training approached, Levi began to worry about his future in the Survey Corps.

The mirror in the dingy washroom reflected a hideous black eye and a bloody nose. Two of the older soldiers had been sabotaging his gear while Levi was scheduled to be out. He came back early. 

Levi hadn’t made many friends over the duration of training. He did, however, make enemies: people who didn’t like his attitude, people prejudice against his background, people jealous of his skill, people angry that the younger trainees went to him for advice, people who resented his rapport with Erwin. Whether the two goons were enemies or just pranksters, Levi didn’t bother to figure it out. 

As if the Walls weren’t enough, there was the suffocating aura of uneasiness from everyone within fifty feet of him—be it uneasy awe or uneasy distrust—excepting one person. As if the suspicion weren’t enough, the trainers never treated him with the same respect they halfway showed the other recruits. As if all that weren’t enough, Erwin had skipped out on him the weekend before.

By the end of the second week of unbroken isolation, Levi didn’t have the restraint to act like he hadn’t spent his whole life in the Underground, fighting for what was his and fighting over everything else while he was at it. 

So sometimes Levi talked back when he shouldn’t. So sometimes he provoked particularly asinine soldiers just to get a reaction and tried to get a swing in before somebody intervened. But breaking an MP’s arm and giving the other a cut in his chest? While it was equivalent to flicking someone on the shoulder in the Underground, aboveground was another story. 

He could say he was acting out of self defense, but who would believe him? Would he be kicked out of training? The idea of getting kicked out of the Survey Corps after all that Erwin had done to get him recruited…

Levi sat down on his bunk and touched his swollen eye. He told himself that the wetness there was from the pain, but he had no excuse for the tears coming from the other. “Fuck,” he said to the floor. “I’m so fucked.”

Would they put him on trial? Would something worse happen? _Why did I have to lose control?_

Four minutes later, his meager belongings—sans broken maneuver gear—were packed. The night would conceal him most of the time, and with any luck, no one would see him in the areas of town where it wouldn’t. 

Levi kept to the shadows, moving quickly and quietly, until he realized he had nowhere to go. _It doesn’t matter_. If he disappeared, it would be a declaration of guilt, and if everyone thought Levi was guilty, then maybe Erwin would escape blame. People would just pat him on the shoulder and say, “You tried.”

Levi traveled until dawn and ended up in some abandoned house on the outskirts of a poor village adjacent to the outer side of Wall Rose. He slept fitfully, unable to stop thinking of the possible consequences of his disappearance. _They won’t send people after me. They don’t care. They’ll probably be glad. Until titans attack and then—_

Levi opened his eyes. 

_It’s only a matter of time._

With an exhausted sigh, Levi forced himself to think things. And when he was done, he stood and began to walk back the way he came. 

Only after he reached Erwin’s door did it occur to Levi that Erwin was probably out with everyone else. It was a Friday night, after all. Levi wondered what Erwin had planned for them the next day, if anything. They had taken to just riding beyond the wall—talking or in silence—ever since Erwin got official permission. Levi wondered how angry Erwin would be that Levi destroyed whatever little trust the military had in him. Or would he just be disappointed? 

No one answered on the first knock. Levi figured his hunch was right, but he raised his hand to knock again anyways. Before his hand touched the door, it opened.

“Levi?” Erwin stared at him like Levi was raised from the dead. “Your eye—”

Levi shoved past Erwin and walked directly to the window across the small room. Outside he could see the lights of all the restaurants and shops and pubs open late. 

“Why aren’t you out with Marie and Nile? It’s a nice night.”

Erwin said nothing for so long, Levi risked a look at him. He was still standing across the room, staring at him. 

“So you did run away,” Erwin finally said.

“Obviously. I panicked, alright?” Levi couldn’t understand why he was snapping on Erwin of all people. “What did you think happened?”

“I _thought_ the Police were lying to me when they said you deserted. I thought they arrested you for injuring their men and used desertion as a cover.” 

Levi felt impossibly worse. He wanted to say a snide comment—about the MP, about Erwin, about himself. Anything to lessen the humiliation.

“Then you overestimated my integrity. I left because…because I wasn’t about to let myself get arrested,” Levi finished quickly. He narrowed his eyes. “Why would they bother using a cover? Wouldn’t they want to flounce how I was a heathen all along?”

“To avoid publicity,” Erwin said. “I was worried they had bad intentions.” 

“They hate me that much?”

Erwin paused before he answered. “Not anymore.”

Levi finally met his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“I confronted the Commander this morning. And the MP. I told them all the reasons why they made a terrible mistake letting it come to this. I gave them all the reasons why the two bastards who tried to tamper with your equipment also made a terrible mistake.”

Levi looked back at Erwin. “How did you know about that?”

“You left it behind. And I couldn’t imagine you attacking idiots like them for no good reason.” Erwin walked over to face him by the window. “Listen to me, Levi. You aren’t expendable. You are the _least_ expendable among all of us. Driving you out of the city is an unthinkably stupid way to treat you. I think my superiors understand—I gave them a taste of their own fear-mongering medicine, anyway. They’ll be…satisfied that you’ve returned. They weren’t happy at the MPs for getting injured so easily, and they’ll be punished for damaging gear.”

The minute that followed was silent, save for the noise outside. Erwin seemed content to let Levi think, and Levi tried not to think of anything that would compromise his composure. Just as Levi opened his mouth to say something, Erwin spoke.

“This will work out, but it takes time.”

The words _thank you_ were suddenly too difficult to say. “Like I actually had a choice in the first place,” Levi said. 

Erwin frowned. “You did. You still do. If you really do want to leave, I won’t stop you.”

“Why?”

“Well, for one thing, you’ve changed. You didn’t steal the gear this time, when you had the perfect oppor—” 

“Don’t give me that shit,” Levi interrupted.

Erwin’s eyes were too sincere. “I don’t you to be miserable here. And yes, whether you are or not does matter. To me.”

Levi heaved a sighed, and when he did, it was as if all the exertion of the past twenty something hours caught up to him at once. He closed his eyes, and swayed on his feet. 

“Are you alright?” Erwin asked.

When Levi didn’t give any sign of hearing him, Erwin put his hand on his arm and asked again. Levi stepped away on instinct. “I’m fine. Tired. I should go. Can you…”

“I’ll let the Commander know you’ve returned,” Erwin said, but he blocked the way to the door. “You don’t look fine to me.”

As Levi tried to walk past, his mouth betrayed him. “Well I am, and even if I wasn’t, I can take care of myself.”

“You’re my friend, Levi. I—”

“No, I’m your project,” Levi quipped under his breath.

“What?” Erwin seemed intent on keeping him from leaving. 

“Nothing.” 

“No.” Erwin said in an abruptly commanding tone. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Levi was caught off guard. He wanted to tell Erwin off. He wanted to tell Erwin to leave him alone, that he had just come to say he was back. But Erwin’s stare was impossible to defy.

“What’s going to happen when you get promoted?” Levi asked. “I’ve heard rumors that after training ends, positions are going to shift around. When you’re captain…commander, probably…” He glanced away, then back again at Erwin’s solemn expression. “You won’t have time on weekends to do shit with me, you know.” Levi knew he had a point, but he couldn’t think anything else to say.

Erwin took his time to answer. “Probably not,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean we’ll never cross paths.” 

Levi huffed and shook his head slightly. “Right. Okay.” Levi took advantage Erwin’s apparent confusion and walked passed him to open the door. He couldn’t find the energy to make any gesture of farewell. 

He walked down the dark street. If there was noise, he didn’t hear it. He thought of the abandoned house as he made his way back to his quarters. Almost appealing, now.

“Levi.” 

Levi turned to see the door left open as Erwin caught up to him saying, “I’ll tell them I have conditions.” He came to a stop not two feet away. “That if they want to advance me, they have to advance you.”

Levi dismissed him with a scoff. “They’d never agree to that.”

“You were going to be found and hanged for desertion before I spoke to the Commander.” Erwin stepped closer. “Now, when they learn you’ve returned, they’ll _reward_ you for exposing those two bastards from last night. Don’t underestimate me.” 

Levi turned to face him. “I don’t.” 

When they both noticed how close they were standing, Erwin snapped out of his state and stepped back again. “Good.” Another step. “Goodnight.” 

Levi didn’t respond.

“I’m sorry again about what happened,” Erwin said. “Whatever made you change your mind to come back, I’m grateful for it.” 

Levi hesitated as Erwin broke eye contact and turned to leave. Then he approached Erwin until they were even closer than before. He stared hard into Erwin’s eyes and set his right fist against his heart. 

“Thank you.”

Erwin returned the salute as if Levi were the commander. 

Levi punched Erwin lightly on the chest. “Don’t look at me like that.” 

They were silent for a long moment, then Erwin invited Levi inside to tend to his eye.


End file.
